Where the Herald staff will be in 2041 · The Badger
Board of Directors:
Patrick Williams, Chair of the Board of Directors: Still comes extremely close to the camera to speak in Zoom meetings.
Shayde Erbrecht, Publisher: Still has to swoop in and save the Herald from bankruptcy every once in a while.
John Spengler Director of Advertising and Promotions: Finally learns how to count.
Philomena Lindquist Director of Advertising and Promotions: Has led the revamp of the Herald’s new brand-new disco 4D WordPress site.
Harrison Freuck, Editor-in-Chief: Has no job, no life. Herald staff lets him live in the office and retain the title “Sports Overlord,” but he is really just their janitor.
Molly DeVore Managing Editor: Owns an Alpaca farm.
Mary Magnuson Managing Editor: Works as The Badger Herald’s exclusive newsletter creator.
Nuha Dolby, Print Features Editor and Illustrative Director: Editor of Bloomberg.
Lauren Henning, Print Features Editor: Becomes a travel journalist, but conducts all work via horseback as she scours the nation for stories. Wins Pulitzer Prize because no one could neig(hhhh)otiate w a horse-riding journalist.
Janani Sundar, Digital Features Editor: World-famous ophthalmologist.
Vanessa Reza, Digital Features Associate Editor: Acing life, nothing new.
Ken Wang, Opinion Editor: Runs Successworks.
Anne Isman, Opinion Editor: Stays in WI because she loves getting asked why she moved from NYC to this place.
Hayden Kolowrat, Associate Opinion Editor: Foreign policy correspondent for AP, no longer has to connect pitches to Wisconsin. Is finally free.
Erin Gretzinger, Digital News Editor: Works for The New York Times, has her dad ship out a case of Spotted Cow monthly.
Savannah Kind, Digital News Editor: Sick of people saying “Your name is so fitting,” goes on a rampage to find every Heralder who has wronged her, starting with flaky writers.
Ben Baker, Print News Editor: Finally replies to the slack message asking if he can make it to the meeting.
Courtney Erdman, Print News Editor: Writes hippie self-love column at Cosmopolitan.
Arushi Gupta, Science News Editor: Absolutely demolishes John in a roast-off which forces him to move to Canada for the rest of his life.
Haley Bills, Campus News Associate Editor: Elle Woods but better.
Mia Lee, Campus News Associate Editor: Still putting up with Savannah’s slacks asking for her thoughts on Taylor Swift.
Abie Thiel, City News Associate Editor: Got trapped at an ASM meeting, can someone go free her please.
Audrey Thibert, City News Associate Editor: Celebrating her first “no” in response to being asked to write a Badger Herald News article.
Aashna Sheth, State News Associate Editor: Becomes besties with the climate change guy who protests weekly as the Capitol.
Lila Szyryj, State News Associate Editor: Won Miss Universe, ran away with the crown because she didn’t want to give it to the next winner.
Azul Kothari, Science News Associate Editor: Submits things on time, finally.
Gretchen Gerlach, Director of Public Relations: Mad that her cat’s Instagram gets more likes than hers, goes on a self-discovery trip (read: rampage) to learn how to become one.
Matt van Bastelaer, PR Associate: Wins a dance competition for his interpretation of the dougie.
Mai Zong Vang, PR Associate: Steers a giant corporation out of a huge PR nightmare, is a hero.
Veronica Kuffel, ArtsEtc. Editor: Famous food critic.
Jackson Walker, ArtsEtc. Editor: Becomes UW’s new marching band director.
Rachael Lee, ArtsEtc. Associate Editor: Addicted to Boba.
William Lundquist, ArtsEtc. Associate Editor: Following rappers around to expose them for his music blog.
Taylor Meredith, ArtsEtc. Associate Editor: Got canceled for saying cake is bad.
Braden Ross, ArtsEtc. Associate Editor: CEO of Buzzfeed.
Keagan Schlosser, Banter Editor: Still carrying the burden of being the only funny person who’s ever worked at the Herald.
Will Whitmore, Sports Editor: New man on the Minnesota Vikings
Charlie Dern, Sports Editor: Sports betting shark living in Vegas, loses all of his winnings on the Kentucky Derby annually.
Audrey Swanson, Copy Chief: Guardian of 13289473 foster puppies
Sam Huss, Copy Chief: Philosopher, but hates all her colleagues and publishes papers roasting them regularly.
Ahmad Hamid, Photo Director: Becomes personal photographer for president AOC.
Abby Cima, Photographer: Has an award-winning photography blog.
Shane Fruchterman, Photographer: Still messages Harrison to ask if he can go to sports events because he “knows a guy.”
Katie Hardie, Multimedia Director: Realizes she hates healthcare, writes Spanish rat plays for the rest of her career.
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original: Source link , publish date: 2021-05-03 18:05:00